Little Bobby
by Simon Psyc
Summary: The most evil family sitcom of all time! Like "Leave it to Beaver"... except... not. Read it, or I will eat your flesh! Okay, maybe I won't eat your flesh, but I will be very upset
1. Default Chapter

Little Bobby  
  
This is my spoof of an old family sitcom (like Leave it to Beaver). It   
came to me in a dream.  
  
See it in pictoral form at http://simonandfriends.action-figure.net/bobby1.html  
it's a lot better that way! Then come back here for chapter 2.  
  
It's really insane, it really scared me when I dreamed it up. But it's   
funny.  
  
Here I go... (launching like a hurricane)  
  
  
Bobby (a five year old blonde boy) walks in from school. His mother   
(Dr. Zira from Planet of the Apes) goes to him.  
  
Zira: Hi sweetie.  
  
Bobby: I passed by Mr. Maul from next door- he was screaming, holding his   
eyes, and rolling around in the grass. Did you flash him again?  
  
Zira: Oh, honey! Yes. I just can't resist. How was your day?  
  
Bobby: Those kids made fun of me again.  
  
Zira: Want me to fling feces at them?  
  
Bobby: That won't help.  
  
Zira: Couldn't hurt. Would you like some homemade cookies?  
  
Bobby: Yeah!  
  
Zira: Well to bad! Ah hahahahahaha! That NEVER gets old! Here's a Pop   
Tart.  
  
Dad (John Lennon) comes in.  
  
John: Honey, I'm home!  
  
Zira: How was your day at the plant?  
  
John: Uhhhh... good (thinks back on his day of playing in his band).  
How was your day of flashing Mr. Maul?  
  
Zira: Just fine.  
  
Bobby: My school play's tomarrow!  
  
Zira: That's great.  
  
Bobby: I'm in it.  
  
Zira: (emotionless) Spectacular.  
  
Bobby: I don't know my lines.  
  
Zira: Great.  
  
Bobby: I burned your favorite dress.  
  
Zira: Did you just say that to get my attention?  
  
Bobby: No really. I did.  
  
Zira: Sure you did.  
  
Bobby: Mr. Celery man told me to.  
  
Zira: Sure.  
  
Bobby: Sometimes he hits me.  
  
The next night...  
  
Bobby stands with John by school.  
  
Bobby: I still don't know my lines.  
  
John: We're going inside. Now.  
  
Show inside of building, Zira runs by stage nekkid.  
  
Bobby: Why's Mommy streaking at my school?  
  
John: It was one of her life goals.  
  
Bobby: That's what you said about the mall.  
  
John: That's enough.  
  
Bobby: And the library...  
  
John: Shush.  
  
Bobby: And the orphanage.  
  
Lights cut, spotlight shines on stage.  
  
Teacher: (Skinner) Welcome to our production of Romeo and Juliet.  
  
Little Girl comes out dressed as Juliet.  
  
"Juliet": Romeo, oh Romeo, where fore art though?  
  
Bobby: (not dressed as Romeo) Uhhhh, here?  
  
Juliet: Um, is that the line?  
  
Bobby: I don't know.  
  
Show audience, Zira (still nekkid) sits down by John.  
  
Zira: What'd I miss?  
  
John: Billy doesn't know his lines.  
  
Zira: I knew that.  
  
John: (looks at Zira) Now I remember why I married you.  
  
Back to stage.  
  
Juliet: Refuse thy throne and--  
  
Bobby: I haven't even read the script.  
  
Juliet: (groans) Do we have a backup?  
  
Suddenly, plywood balcony that Juliet's on collapses.  
  
Bobby: How convenient. (runs)  
  
Juliet: Please help.  
  
Show Bobby running outside, Mr. Celery Man running beside him.  
  
Mr. Celery Man: You did great. Now start another fire.  
  
End.  
  
I'm scared too. Maybe if I have another insane dream I'll update. 


	2. Love, Bullies and Feces

Little Bobby  
  
Bobby walks outside school, bullies run up and beat the tar out of him.  
Afterward, he's laying bruised on the ground and he see's a girl.   
Classic signs of "he has a crush on her" play.  
  
Bobby: (Sighs happy, love kind of sigh)  
  
  
Show exterior of houses, Maul rakes leaves in his front yard. He falls  
to his knees and covers his eyes, screams.  
  
Maul: Augh! My eyes.  
  
Bobby passes  
  
Maul: Can you tell your Mom to quit that.  
  
Bobby ignores him.  
  
Bobby goes in house. Mom is sitting at table holding book upside down.  
  
Mom: (nervously) Uh, hi honey. This is what I've been doing, just reading.  
  
Bobby: Where's Dad?  
  
Mom: At work.  
  
Bobby: Oh, so he's playing in that band.  
  
Mom: Band?  
  
Bobby: Never mind. I'm gonna go see Dad at "work"  
  
Mom: Okay.  
  
  
  
Show Beatles w/ instruments, Come Together playing in background.  
  
Bobby: DAD!  
  
John (stops playing): Yeah?  
  
Bobby: I need to talk to you  
  
Beatles leave (not John)  
  
Bobby: I'm having feeling for this... girl  
  
John: It's all perfectly natural. That's how you came into existence.  
  
Bobby: You said I was the result of too much whiskey.  
  
John: Oh, no, it was love. All you need is love.  
  
Bobby: I could have sworn--  
  
John: IT WAS LOVE!  
  
  
Show classroom, Bobby gets note passed to him.  
  
Bobby opens note, it says:  
  
I like you.  
  
Jessie (i dotted with heart for extra sap)  
  
Bobby looks to girl he likes (Jessie), she smiles.  
  
  
Bobby comes home with black eye.  
  
Mom: (holding book, still upside down) What happened?!  
  
Bobby: Those bullies beat me up again (puts on love struck voice and   
expression) But that's not important.  
  
Mom: (puts down book) That's it! Tomarrow, I'm gonna fling my feces   
at them.  
  
Bobby: Oh Mom.  
  
  
Show School Exterior, Bobby stands in front. Bullies advance, Jessie  
steps up.  
  
Jessie: You stop beating him up, you don't know him!  
  
Bobby: Uh, Jessie, I don't think you should get near them today, my mom--  
  
Jessie: Bobby, I'm trying to defend you. (to bullies) Now you should--  
  
Jessie is suddenly hit by a barrage of feces.  
  
Bobby: Oh lord, no.  
  
Runs to Mom at gate.  
  
Mom: I pegged that mean looking blonde one!  
  
Bobby: (casts his eyes downward) sure mom.  
  
Jessie: WHAT IS THIS!? 


End file.
